I wanna type and tell a story but I'm quite tired.

All I can just say is that I have this song stuck in my head. As it is kinda one of my favourites, at this time of the year. So go to this link. Not that I am thinking about a lover or anything but if I am.. I am thinking of my late maternal grandmother and grandfather. I prefer saying it individually rather than just "grandparents". =) Merry Christmas Tok and Tok Dada!! I Love you!! Oh SO MUCH! <3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY&ob=av3n

O my God! Nerve-wracking internships!

So I called Gianni's today, asked for Stephanie, the manager, I wanted to run albeit still holding the phone wouldn't help with anything, but I would just exhausted myself for no reason. At first I was afraid to call, was too nervous. Then I thought why should I be scared? If I don't do this, how am I to go out into the world to do other things, I won't be able to do anything at all. So, yes, I got the internship but she said to confirm when I start and for how long. She wanted to take me in tomorrow and I panicked. Hahaha. But I can't, the end of December I'm always busy with house hold things, so most likely February, at least for a month. Next, I gotta call Y.Architects, for the third time as the first time Mr. Yap was in a meeting, then I called again today but nobody picked up, so maybe later tonight. Mr Yap had offered me some where mid this year to work at his place for a month so that I get to see what architects are about. So my choice of university would be based on my internships, find the one that I am most interested in. My windows to my path.

Bored......

Gosh. I'm bored. Can't believe I'm saying that. It's just that right now I don't want to do anything even when I have plenty to do. (sigh) Yesterday mince pies were baked, was tempted to take one but of course I wasn't allowed to touch it yet. Today, I was thinking of doing cookies so that I can munch on them at a time like this. It's a horrid weather today, raining, since dawn. I think I'm hungry at the moment beacuse I have a headache. Now that I'm thinking, my life isn't crazy isn't it? (laugh) I just think it was, before. About a few years back I was going through an emotional time. People called me "emo" for the fact I acted like it. But I wasn't -- I was just reserved and quiet, and that I listened to hard rock and stuff which does not mean that I was emo. This year, I am not entirely sure what I was. I organised the school parties and all with the other SRC members which was normal, so all right, I was socialising. No.. The beginning of the year was the volcano, a close friend of mine and I went through some rough patch, 'til we weren't talking at all, didn't even acknowledge each other when we crossed path. I was angry that he thought he could act the way he did, what gave him the right to do so!? YOU'RE NOT MY BOYFRIEND! You're my brother and that's all it shall be. I don't recall if I was petulant, but I know I acted as though everything was fine, just I NEVER looked at him or spoke to him--only when I had to then I did if not it was generalised. He hurt me badly, real bad I cried. Never did I even turn to look at him when ever he spoke which he noticed and it hurt him good. My mum noticed some thing was wrong, so she tried talking to me but it didn't help resolve it. Then after a while, almost 6 months, things cooled and we spoke, resolved the problem, and we're friends again. But this time, just not as close as before. As it is, we weren't that close when the same thing happened a year ago which destroyed our friendship. So now it's just twice worse. We've forgiven each other, it's just that, I don't know if I subconsciously don't. But I think I'm sure I incarcerate, even when I don't want to, I do.

Bedtime Rhymes

I was in bed but my mind was slightly troubled and I started thinking. When I'm inspired by the slightest thing my mind starts whirling, coming up with things such as this. But this only happens when I think plenty, involving emotions, about things -- of life, of people and etcetera. This is just a rough one, I could make it better if I thought more about it. But yeah, I'd like to sleep. Good night.

The Wolf, the Moon, to protect us at night,

The Sun, the Clouds, to give us some light,

Parents and God guide us all times,

We live only once, so choose it wise.

Hands stretched, to desperately grip the light above,

Manacle, around the ankle chained to the ground,

Clouds, as Payne's grey drowning out the light,

Cold, in the desperate need of sight,

Obscure, having to explain plethora 'til breathless,

Lost, unable to find a path,

God, I pray to you to help and guide -- As there is a lost child needing to fight.

Grasp the Sky before you're pushed over

Love..

Love's a bitch. Love is assurance. It's overwhelming but it's alarming.You want to love, but what can you love? You can love your family, love life, love school, love friends, but can you ever find your true love? This generation, they're confused. They make themselves believe they're in love yet they don't really understand the true meaning of love. Love can be taking in every single detail of a leaf, wondering how amazing it is. It can change; size, colour. People now, with all the chaos of the world, think they aren't loved. They are, they very much are loved. They just don't know it. It's hard because some times people don't know how to express themselves or if they do they don't do it right. Love is about thoughts, just the hazardous thought of what you might want to buy for an individual for Christmas is love. It means you care deeply for that person, you want to understand what is in his or her mind and heart. It's foolish of man to push themselves to love when they aren't, but just for desire, that's rubbish. Just having a little affectionate feeling doesn't mean you're in love but if you look into it and breed it healthily, then it may as well bloom beautifully. I believe there is such thing of soul mates, even if it isn't--it's just the feeling of being safe and yourself around that someone. Patience is a virtue. Love is tender, it needs to be nourished every-now-and-then. So take care of it. And most of all, listen to it.

A Week of About 1500 Pages.

More or less. Though I would love to read up to a myriad but, of course, my mum would have a fit seeing my nose stuck into books and not being of any assistance. Haha. She would start nagging like any other mother who's particular in things or simply needs help. The past week, I definitely enjoyed myself, just reading. And each book there's a sequel to it so it's really bothersome when I don't have the next one, but it's wonderful at the same time, and exciting! When I read, it's like I drown out of reality and into a world full of danger, thrill, passion and adventure. It gives life. Yes, but could I live both? Live a normal life like I am, then when I'm needed or wanted I dive into another world, scary but thrilling.

Thoughts. My thoughts. Are they yours too?

You see. The only reason why I'm having a blog is because I feel that I can't tell EVERYthing to close people in my everyday life. I feel it isn't safe to tell anyone or even if it is, would they completely understand what you're talking about? "I'm", I mean. Well I like to talk as if I were the second person. My family and friends, yes, they mean the world to me. Just not the part about telling them everything I think or feel. I'm just looking and typing to see whether there are people out there who do feel the same thing as I, who aren't in my everyday life, to make pen pals even - if possible. I just-- I do tell my parents and my friends, some times, of what I think and feel but not everything, that's for sure. Some times when people ask me what's wrong, I ask myself "What's the point in telling you" or "How can I even tell you this", I don't want to hurt people! So some times, well not some times of course but all the time, I turn to God for help and He does hear my prayers, and when He doesn't, He's just waiting for the right time. Don't forget to Love God. No matter what religion or whether you believe or not. You have to thank someone for all the things you have. Clothes. Food. Internet. Technology. Brains. Eyes. Hands. Arms. Legs and feet. Light. Moon. Sun. Earth. Oxygen. Life. Problems. Lessons. Morals. Friends. And most of all, Parents. For bringing you unto the earth.

First time.. I'm eating.

Two nights ago, i was eating chicken for the first time. Chicken wings. Roasted. It was amazing! When I picked it up it felt oily, slipping through my fingers as I want to take a bite. I put my lips to do so, the skin tore off, my tongue having tasted flavours such savoury flavours went tingling. As my teeth bit deeper into the soft flesh, the juice came out sizzling my taste buds with honey and soy sauce. Mmm, it tasted so good!
I couldn't have just that - I wanted more. And I woke up, my eyes wide open. It was just a dream. How cruel can our minds be? Mine for torturing me in my sleep. Haha. But I guess that's what happens when you eat chicken wings on that day. For my case I suppose that would be. =)) Haha. I couldn't stop thinking how weird that was. What do you dream about?

Morning!

(sniffing) (giggles) I think I'm coming down with a running nose. Hahaha. I always think of that joke when I or someone else say "running nose" and I would try imagine the nose running. Anyways, I went to an ex-schoolmate's house last night and to tell you the truth. It was kinda boring but it was alright I suppose, talking. Well I wasn't planning on going in the first place actually 'cause of my paper yesterday right? But DB sent texts and called for me to come, so I thought again. But the only reason why I thought again is because --------- I think ------- I think I have a soft spot for him or think he is cute for some years already. But it's not that big-of-a-deal so I never tried to explore it. But--- then again --- I just feel that I should at least go out with him so that I can get OVER it, shouldn't I? Then I think, it's been a year since he told me the truth that he liked me. I dreamed of him last night, he was crying, because he broke up with his girlfriend which is true. I was there and so were others but then the girlfriend had no emotions which was weird. It was as if she did not bother.. but I just dreamed that he was crying. That's all. Yeah, well, my mind was kind of happy they broke up. But at the same time I felt something is just not right. Anyways, about my art I know I did better than the others because I've got such a GREAT teacher and I feel like he's my grandfather but when I just look at mine, hmm, not that good. Alright at least it was better than my first two attempts and at least I was pleased with this one. Well not for me to judge but the examiners. So really, I just can't wait to get my results. =) Haha.