Mama can't live without Dr. Murphy

Who is Dr Murphy you might ask. He's a doctor of course! A special doctor, a chiropractor. Before we ever found out about him, my mum had back aches, leg jams, neck pains, headaches, migraines, and a whole lot of symptoms.

There was one morning she couldn't get up from bed when my sisters and I left for school. Our papa drove us to school so no one was at home with her. She cried because she couldn't even move her head to the side, it was like being paralysed but conscious about it. Pain shot from head to toe, so she had to lie there for a long moment, warm herself up and even though there was agony, she pushed herself to get up.

Few weeks later, she saw Dr Murphy at the spacious first floor in City Square giving a trial thing, I'm not sure what it's called. You know when a shop opens, they want to advertise it so they have a booth with others at the center of the first floor and give out flyers, that sort of thing. Before that, she used to see him at Starbucks and he'd greet with a big smile, and wondered who he was. So from that exhibition kind of thing, she started going to him. And it helped her a lot! She didn't feel fatigue all the time all day. She didn't have anymore headaches and migraines that were terrible. Didn't have lots of backaches all the time and she became better! Not so grumpy too! Tee hee! So if you ask me, chiropractic actually helps.

But now since she hasn't been going because of some personnel problems - not between Dr Murphy and her - it's at home problems. She's getting grumpy, seriously, it's not nice when she's grumpy. It makes everything so hard for us, to accommodate her, then she's got this high expectation thing again - where she expects us to read her mind and do lots of things in the house. All right, the house stuff I understand because right now it is quite in disorder but we're all busy too. And the time I use for blogging is at night, do you expect me to use this time to clean!? Yeah, thought so. I'd be sticky and sweaty, so no thank you.

But honestly, she needs Dr Murphy again, and it's getting annoying that she's becoming like this again. Even she knows that, she feels it and she needs him. But he's so inflexible!!

Either way I choose to go, I still feel it's a repeat!!

My horoscope for today says "Dreams are often the stuff that goals are made of. So if your nightly retreats are starting to repeat themselves, it might be time to take the hint. Formulate a battle plan and just see how much you can accomplish." What the f*** does that mean!!?

Today, I was talking to Snowman and when I was really asking him questions I felt more confident to tell YummyBear that I don't want to be in a relationship. I've been procrastinating, I wasn't brave enough to tell him what I needed to tell him. Then when I did and he went all----... sad and upset and that got me down. I can't do this, be in a relationship thing! Why can't boys understand that!!? It makes me feel bad and then I end up comforting him and wanting to be with him for the sake of making him happy not being in the relationship because I seriously like him. That's what sort of happened the last time but at least that I liked the guy and I did want to try. But this, this I can't. If I reject this guy then I feel like I'm doing the same thing to what I did to MilkShake who was a good guy too.

Is there something wrong with me!? Always rejecting good guys (in some peoples eyes) and going for "the jock"? But it's not true, because the good guys do have a bad side, it's just that they're good at showing their better side than "the jock" who doesn't bother covering their bad side because they say that's who they are or were, then they try to do better. So now I'm stuck, maybe in your eyes this situation may be simple and the answers right in front of me, which is true. But how to get through it if I'm so scared of making choices. I'm so worried about making bad decisions. I know we all have to learn from our mistakes but I'm afraid to even make mistakes. How do I help myself? I'm afraid. Please Dear God, help me.

I'm tired but I don't want to sleep. I'm aching but I don't want to sleep.

My eyes are about to shut but my mind does not want to sleep. I'm not satisfied. I'm not happy. I don't want this day to end coz I didn't make the best of it. Or rather I didn't enjoy it to my fullest. I'm supposed to be composing my portfolio and I've put a deadline on myself but I seem to be stupendously slow!

My mum asked me what I would want to do for my birthday which is coming up in a few weeks time and I told her I don't know. My sister asks me what do I want to study for my next level of school and I tell her I don't know. Just to get myself dressed these days to go out is becoming a challenge because I don't know what to wear.

To fill my tummy up so that it doesn't digest itself is a huge pop quiz because I don't know what to eat. To choose between two pair of earrings ends up me having to ask my mum because I don't know which one to choose. To even get myself to think what I want to do for the day drives me nuts because I can't plan my day without knowing what my mum is gonna do. And when I do or by the time I do know it's too late because it's at the last moment. If I ask her earlier even that schedule is not confirmed.

This is the worst moment in my entire life because I have never felt so lost before. And surely not knowing what I want to do kills me inside because.....it kills me inside! And when I have headaches, I'd rather be run over by a truck than have my headache because it hurts BAD. As well as this not sleeping business irritates me crazily because I wake up early and end up drowsy. WHY CAN'T I JUST GO TO BED!? But even when I do go to bed, it takes time for me to even fall asleep these days and it's annoying!

I want to cry. I don't want to be in a relationship with the person I dreamed of last night - he proposed. Freaky. Scary. Crazy. I want to find what I want to do. I want to be inspired that will last a life time. I want to aspire so that I'm happy. I want the life I have always dreamed of and I don't mean like the celebrity type, or the ragged type. I need help. Please Dear God, help me!

Who is JOSEPH KONY?

Who is JOSEPH KONY?
He is THE WORST LIVING CRIMINAL. He abducts children and makes them use guns to kill their own parents. He takes girls and forces them to be sex slaves. He calls his abducted children the Lords Resistance Army, AKA the LRA. He has abducted over 30,000 children and forced them to be child soldiers is Central Africa. He remains at large because he is INVISIBLE to the world. FEW know his name, even FEWER know his crimes. WE ARE MAKING HIM FAMOUS! Because when he is, the world will unite against him and demand his arrest...
Repost if you are agreeing to make him famous for the better

I sit here. Starring into the screen blurly, thinking...coz sleep just stops me. And I think to myself, what's the point?

To some people, this isn't any of their problem. But I have no where to turn to, except blog about it. Honestly, I miss having a carefree life, life before you're aware of others and their feelings. Life when we were just kids, just trying to have fun - even though that involves feelings some times; to learn to understand what your friends are feeling, and that's how we make friends - none of these "aware of every detailed feelings" are involved.

When I come to think about what I'm going through, it's ALL just very simple and simple to solve - but we humans, our minds complicate things for us. We make things complicated coz we DON'T want to have a simple life. If we really did want that, we wouldn't be complaining, we wouldn't put so much thought in what we want to do, we wouldn't need to put so much effort to make us move.

All these things are psychological, conjured by our mind because we are afraid of what make turn out in the end. We are afraid to make a decision because we think - what if I choose this now and this is a bad decision? - but as my friend told me the other day, we can't determine what happens in the future. We should just do what we want so don't regret it later. It's true, we should just take our life at our own pace and do as we please. We, after all, are all different in each way and we shouldn't push ourselves because of someone that we care about.

But - yes. It's easier said than done. Even I am having troubles and whatever you would call it. Just why can't we just follow what we feel - and  I mean it in the good way! Not those bad bad things happening out there - and be happy about what we have at this moment in life? Because life is short, and this is only temporary cause after life, we not bring anything but our soul. Earth is just a passing by, a pit spot. So follow our heart, as what has always been said.