THE FUTURE IS BEAUTIFUL. LIFE IS BRIGHT. YOU ARE THE SPARK AND YOU HOLD THE LIGHT.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Please heal my heart and soul. Please take away this pain, this longing.


I can't take this any longer.
I don't want to do this long distant relationship..
......with.......

My Future Boyfriend.
xD
Lol!


Even after all the whining and crying that I miss him, I dont regret cutting the friendship.


Even though I feel bad that I broke that one big promise that mattered the most to him, I really do think it's what we both needed.

Some time and space away from each other until we both come to our senses, think things through, live to do what we need to do and to seek what we want to do by ourselves.

However, some times I hoped I could share my experience and happiness with him.

I am lifeless.

I don't laugh as much as I used to. You know, like, till my stomach hurts or crying with laughter. That's all gone..

Anyway, I want to talk about---..

Last night, the "Noah's Arc Art Exhibition" was held at Lido Beach but we didnt attend. I got an invitation on Facebook but since my mum didnt know about it I didn't mention it. I wanted to go, I really did, but I don't know why I wasnt bothered.

Apparently my mum knew about it because Sofia Cole told her but she didn't know the date and time--and she forgot. She didn't even tell me she knew about it; she calls me blur because I didn't tell her. How was I supposed to know she knew about it and wanted to go?

Haha...yeah. Anyway, it was kind of a pity that we didn't go. Yet at the same time I'm happy we didn't go because apparently my ex-bestfriend was going to be there. His father is an artist and he loves art too but I didn't know they were in town until yesterday.

I know myself. So if we went and I happen to see him, I think I'd want to run as fast as the bullet train.

Because I don't want to see him yet. I could feel it in myself just thinking about it this morning.

A dreadful feeling to have felt.

Yet I miss him.

I'm sorry.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I'm a fool and dumber than a blond (well I'm definitely not smart as my mum and she's a blond)


I try hard to learn from my mistakes but some times it doesnt stick to my head.
I definitely dont like getting mistakes because I dont want to feel hurt.
I dont know what to believe anymore!

I know my mum is just trying to look out for me and to make sure I'm strong. But, I just want someone who isn't family to be there for me.

A best-friend.

Some one I can rely on. I just want what every girl has, a best-friend. But apparently that's too much to ask from God.

It's not the people, I know, it's me. I don't trust anyone anymore. Or there is no one that I can talk about everything to and have random jokes and laugh so hard it makes me cry. I mean I can trust people and I talk to different friends about different things but there's always ..... restriction--boundary--a certain limitation of things that I can talk about.

I either trust to easily that in the end I get hurt or I dont trust enough that the person is hurt.

I have so many doubts. I even doubt myself, my thoughts and my own feelings. In the end, my mind is jumbled as the vines in the jungle.

That jungle effects my concentration and ability to think fast during present moments. When I want to relax and have fun I let my mind empty that I make more careless mistakes. The whole cycle repeats.

Some times I know what I do is whats best -- not for me but for others...and some times me. Then after thinking of various courses I wonder if what I do is right or wrong.

Then when my mum lectures me, which I know I should have done or should have thought through and properly but didn't, I beat myself up inside.

I get so depressed I loose appetite and energy.

I always feel weak.
Sad.
Hurt.
Stupid.
Annoyed.
Angry.
It kills me inside. I try to live anyway. Think positive. Think happy. Take it easy. Do something productive or to keep me happy. Dress up. Then I feel alright.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Dear Best Friend, Even though I know you dont like that status, I miss you.

During your very first art exhibition. I was very proud! and still am even though we have parted.

I miss him not because I want a best friend in my life but because I miss him himself. a part of me wonders that what I did was it for better or for worse? Was it because of my stupidity and ignorance and selfishness?

Yes, it is because of my stupidity and probably other things too. But it's always when you loose it that you realise and that just means that you never deserved the person in the first place.

But I did it because we both needed some time to think, some time off from each other because we have huge arguments every single time. Arguments that hurt both of us and I know that I couldn't stand and take it and that made me not want to see him, be near him or hear of him.

I just have to live with it.

If fate ever brings us together again, then it's fate to have each other in one an-others lives, and I'll be happy. Because even now, what ever I was angry about and upset about doesn't really matter anymore because it's him that I just miss.

And if it is true that no matter how many times we're angry with each other but always get come back together, we are meant to have each other.

*P.S; There is a nicer photo of us together but I can't get it at the moment, so this will do. And/But it doesn't even matter.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby

YAYYAYYAYYAYYAYYAYYAYYAY!!!!! After The WHOLE weekend!!! I've finally found this song! Hahaha! I misshed ya Rubyyyyy-h!!

hehehehehehehe. I'm going bonkers. You know that song?? It goes like "some people thing I'm bonkers but I just think I'm free!

hohohohohohoho!!!! No, tricked yeah!!!

Santa Claus is soooo not here! ....yet.

I had to much chocolate stuff today I suppose. Sweetness is still in my mouth and I can taste.... yummumumumumumumum, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, kitkat taste has disappeared. Uuuuum, oh the taste of I don't give a DAMN what you think!

:Lol.....

I'm hungry. I'm going to have to start cooking dinner soon... YAYYYYYY!

.....-.-" I'm feeling pathetic. So ciao!!