Christina Aguilera - Fighter

Thanks for making me a fighter

OneRepublic - Feel Again

I never want to see that again. Never

My parents had a fight just now. Yes, it's late at night; it could be that everyone is tired.

But I doubt it.

Alana is sick, she's vomited a couple of times tonight. My mum said better take her to the clinic. Well, that's what the fight was about.
Alana sick, needs to go to the clinic, shouting starts, sounds of one pushing or pulling the other, Alana crying.

They sounded like they were on the stairs and I was afraid of what might happen -- so I went to look.

They were at the second flight of stairs, I was on the first. They were yelling at each other, Alana at the bottom of the stairs crying. I arrived seeing my fathers arm in the air and my mum grabbing at him. Still yelling, piercing my ears I just stared. Then blurry happened and I found myself screaming and I burst into tears.

It was high pitched, higher than I've ever heard myself go. Yet they didn't stop. Alana went running up the stairs to come between them, screaming, bawling her eyes out, tears flowing down her cheeks. My mum grabbed to hug her and yelled some more at my dad.

"Now see what you have done!! SEE!"

I cried. I couldn't stop myself but I could't open my mouth either. I don't want to see what I saw. Even though I didn't see anything at all.

Some how things ended up with my parents taking Alana to the clinic; but I think there's going to be a lot more agruements again.

My head is in Cloud 9 I dont even hear what my mum says

I've got it bad.. real bad. And I can't stop. I'm trying like mad but it just hits me everytime I ignore it.

NoNoNo! It's like so inappropriate! Yes I know I have relatives in the same situation but they don't mind. But I'm not used to it!

I always go for guys atleast 2years older! Not 2years YOUNGER!!! Oh Mother of Nature, I feel I want to be slaughtered.

I ignore his critics and insults and

The World just went Brighter with her today. :D

Yes, it literally went brighter.

Hahaha! Of course not! Such retardness you're getting from me today.

Why is it brighter?

Because..

MY BESTFRIEND visited me at school today! WOOHOO!


We're definitely not like other bestfriends out there. We both understand how difficult our family can be - so going out with each other is very limited.  We give space when one of us is angry because we know we'll come 'round. We talk when we can and reply when we can. And what's great is that we don't go at each other's throats when we reply late. Haha. Or if we do get annoyed, we tease each other just to annoy the other. Haha!

But of course, we're also like other bestfriends. We have a deep understanding of each other. We laugh all the time when we do things. We share our problems and excitements with each other. We be there for each other when we're down. We hug whenever we see each other. Tease whenever there's something to tease about.

We always have time for one another even though we live quite far and see very little of each other now. Even though we get to go out like others.

Because together and whenever we're together or talking with each other, we feel like we've been saved already anyways.

And that's why we love each other.

And some times we say we hate each other but we end up laughing anyway.

She's like my sister. I don't have to say her name because her name is buried in my heart and mind.

Loves you, Forever!!

;P 'JAR!!! LOL

I miss my ex bestfriend

He used to make me laugh all the time. I remember all those memories, all those moments but i know i can never have them back.

Because I'm always reminded why we fought in the first place and all the hurt rushes back into my heart. The hurt makes me stop breathing and I can feel my heart contract.

I just want my best friend. Not the other part. And that's never ever going to happen.

My momma always told me "be yourself"

But how do I be myself? Am i even being myself? I try to be obediant, sharp witted, smart, ...--

           Happy.

I always was "I want to be like her or her or her and her"! Is that the real me??

Some times I'm bouncy and other times I act icy; is that me?

I look at this new boy, Kevin, in school. Teachers say he's a problem - when teachers say that it makes me want to find out what lies behind him. Is what he shows on the outside a facade -- like me?

Because I got so confused that I dont really know what/who was the real me.

So everytime a few teachers whom has a bad impression about someone, and it's usually a boy, I go on my detective mode. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's just how I am.

Yes, now that's just who I am.

So this boy, Kevin, the very first time I saw him was with Hajar. The way he walked and looked, we knew he likes attention. Leather jacket, black shades, black pants and black shoes.

But the way he walked was really disturbing and hurtful to my eyes. Hajar and I immidiately said he was trying to act cool. But him being in our school - I see - he has toned down. The only things he still has is attitude and closed about himself.

Here, we dont go by how cool you look and who has the most expensive phone or car; we look for originality and honesty.

I believe in that. So some where along the road of my life, I found who I am and what I want to be.

And this is me.

Week 1: Tommy & Charlie - Hip Hop - So You Think You Can Dance - BBC One

Haha. That's quite fun! And the fact that this girl has ballet yet she nailed the beats, that's good enough for me!

Even Best Friends can break your heart.

Snapper.

That's a nickname for him. For my own.

We knew each other for so long. Since we were kids. Primary school right up to Secondary. We were friends during primary, secondary we became best friends. We had lots of ups and downs but we always manage to get through times together.

We used to laugh all the time. Make jokes and fun every time and about anything. We'd right notes to each other from his desk to mine. Passing the paper through friends until they got fed up and made us sit next to each other.
I used to visit his parents house once in a while when I can. And when I did, we'd always have something to do. Whether it was just us or with friends.

The year before senior high, Alex introduced himself, he was supposedly Snapper's best friend.. I guess. We got along and well, feelings grew.

Snapper changed. I didn't understand why but we were still close. We chat and all.

I don't know why nearing June, Alex was pressured and felt Snapper was competition. One day bad things happened and I was hurt. After Alex and I parted, Snapper, didn't talk to me. He acted strange and whenever I entered a room he was in it always went quiet. He ignored me. He didn't want to talk.

It hurt me.

Some time later, the next year if I recall, we made up. It was senior high, mid-year. We were fine.

A long time passed, while Snapper and I grew apart, Choco was always there for me. He'd talk to me and asked how I was doing. He kept me company. Not forgetting his charm and cute looks! How am I supposed to ignore that?

Finally, Choco told me his feelings and I returned them. Suddenly, Snapper tried to talk to me like old times and I'd talk to him like normal. But deep inside myself I knew it was never the same as before Alex.

Snapper soon picked up a fight with Choco. Choco was hurt which made me hurt too! We didn't want to fight with Snapper, we're all friends! Then Snapper starter getting angry with me too. That fight grew bigger and bigger over time and soon Choco couldn't take it. Since Choco was going back to his home country we decided to split.

That was the second time Snapper had hurt me. And both times I cried...
My heart broke to a million pieces after a thousand.

A year later, he asked for forgiveness, begged. Since we knew each other foe so long and he was part of my life, I accepted. We became friends again. But it was never the same again. I grew distant and he noticed. So I tried acting normal around him and he thought everything was back as it were.

But his presence disturbed me at all times. And when he wasn't even there I could feel myself getting angry. But time passed and I thought he'd changed to better. He didn't go through my phone, lie or pry into my privacy anymore. So I was slowly heeling.

This year, I finally thought I could act normal around him again. I was so happy. I was getting excited that things can go back to the way they were. I sent him a birthday card all the way up north, I secretly got his address; he moved because of family matters. I sent him stuff I baked.

One day he came down and I asked if we could go out. He said sure. I tried rounding up the others but apparently they had plans with him else where on the same day which I was only free. I couldn't go far where they were going so I canceled mine with his since it was too complicated.

On that day I found out from a friend that Snapper decided to change plans to comply with my original plan but I already made plans with my family. So when he asked me, I said I'm sorry but my family needs help. And I never choose friends over family.

He said alright.

The next time he came down, I was doing an advertisement for JARO's fair and to spend time with him since I couldn't go out much, I asked him if he could help. He said sure but he never came round. He never texted or called when I was waiting. So I called him and he said he was busy. I said I understand.

That day I texted him in a sulking manner and told him off that he should have let me know at least instead of making me wait. He didn't reply. That night, he said something horrible to me. I can't remember but I remember that one sentence made pain come out from my eyes, hands, heart, brain, every where.

I was completely upset I texted a whole lot of things. Not horrible things but the truth. I told him it actually took me a long time to be okay around you. I was finally going to be alright and this is what he does. Every time I try be okay, he always finds a way to hurt me.

I cried a lot that night. I tell my mum things about me since she already new about the previous time he hurt me. She said "It's not worth having a friend who is going to hurt you all the time".

I ignored texts of his apology and everything. One day he tagged me in a picture of stars. I couldn't take it. He can't always hurt me then apologise and then act like everything is fine! On that day onwards, I broke off all ties with him. Phone, internet and face-to-face.