I'm tired but I don't want to sleep. I'm aching but I don't want to sleep.

My eyes are about to shut but my mind does not want to sleep. I'm not satisfied. I'm not happy. I don't want this day to end coz I didn't make the best of it. Or rather I didn't enjoy it to my fullest. I'm supposed to be composing my portfolio and I've put a deadline on myself but I seem to be stupendously slow!

My mum asked me what I would want to do for my birthday which is coming up in a few weeks time and I told her I don't know. My sister asks me what do I want to study for my next level of school and I tell her I don't know. Just to get myself dressed these days to go out is becoming a challenge because I don't know what to wear.

To fill my tummy up so that it doesn't digest itself is a huge pop quiz because I don't know what to eat. To choose between two pair of earrings ends up me having to ask my mum because I don't know which one to choose. To even get myself to think what I want to do for the day drives me nuts because I can't plan my day without knowing what my mum is gonna do. And when I do or by the time I do know it's too late because it's at the last moment. If I ask her earlier even that schedule is not confirmed.

This is the worst moment in my entire life because I have never felt so lost before. And surely not knowing what I want to do kills me inside because.....it kills me inside! And when I have headaches, I'd rather be run over by a truck than have my headache because it hurts BAD. As well as this not sleeping business irritates me crazily because I wake up early and end up drowsy. WHY CAN'T I JUST GO TO BED!? But even when I do go to bed, it takes time for me to even fall asleep these days and it's annoying!

I want to cry. I don't want to be in a relationship with the person I dreamed of last night - he proposed. Freaky. Scary. Crazy. I want to find what I want to do. I want to be inspired that will last a life time. I want to aspire so that I'm happy. I want the life I have always dreamed of and I don't mean like the celebrity type, or the ragged type. I need help. Please Dear God, help me!

Who is JOSEPH KONY?

Who is JOSEPH KONY?
He is THE WORST LIVING CRIMINAL. He abducts children and makes them use guns to kill their own parents. He takes girls and forces them to be sex slaves. He calls his abducted children the Lords Resistance Army, AKA the LRA. He has abducted over 30,000 children and forced them to be child soldiers is Central Africa. He remains at large because he is INVISIBLE to the world. FEW know his name, even FEWER know his crimes. WE ARE MAKING HIM FAMOUS! Because when he is, the world will unite against him and demand his arrest...
Repost if you are agreeing to make him famous for the better

I sit here. Starring into the screen blurly, thinking...coz sleep just stops me. And I think to myself, what's the point?

To some people, this isn't any of their problem. But I have no where to turn to, except blog about it. Honestly, I miss having a carefree life, life before you're aware of others and their feelings. Life when we were just kids, just trying to have fun - even though that involves feelings some times; to learn to understand what your friends are feeling, and that's how we make friends - none of these "aware of every detailed feelings" are involved.

When I come to think about what I'm going through, it's ALL just very simple and simple to solve - but we humans, our minds complicate things for us. We make things complicated coz we DON'T want to have a simple life. If we really did want that, we wouldn't be complaining, we wouldn't put so much thought in what we want to do, we wouldn't need to put so much effort to make us move.

All these things are psychological, conjured by our mind because we are afraid of what make turn out in the end. We are afraid to make a decision because we think - what if I choose this now and this is a bad decision? - but as my friend told me the other day, we can't determine what happens in the future. We should just do what we want so don't regret it later. It's true, we should just take our life at our own pace and do as we please. We, after all, are all different in each way and we shouldn't push ourselves because of someone that we care about.

But - yes. It's easier said than done. Even I am having troubles and whatever you would call it. Just why can't we just follow what we feel - and  I mean it in the good way! Not those bad bad things happening out there - and be happy about what we have at this moment in life? Because life is short, and this is only temporary cause after life, we not bring anything but our soul. Earth is just a passing by, a pit spot. So follow our heart, as what has always been said.