Even Best Friends can break your heart.

Snapper.

That's a nickname for him. For my own.

We knew each other for so long. Since we were kids. Primary school right up to Secondary. We were friends during primary, secondary we became best friends. We had lots of ups and downs but we always manage to get through times together.

We used to laugh all the time. Make jokes and fun every time and about anything. We'd right notes to each other from his desk to mine. Passing the paper through friends until they got fed up and made us sit next to each other.
I used to visit his parents house once in a while when I can. And when I did, we'd always have something to do. Whether it was just us or with friends.

The year before senior high, Alex introduced himself, he was supposedly Snapper's best friend.. I guess. We got along and well, feelings grew.

Snapper changed. I didn't understand why but we were still close. We chat and all.

I don't know why nearing June, Alex was pressured and felt Snapper was competition. One day bad things happened and I was hurt. After Alex and I parted, Snapper, didn't talk to me. He acted strange and whenever I entered a room he was in it always went quiet. He ignored me. He didn't want to talk.

It hurt me.

Some time later, the next year if I recall, we made up. It was senior high, mid-year. We were fine.

A long time passed, while Snapper and I grew apart, Choco was always there for me. He'd talk to me and asked how I was doing. He kept me company. Not forgetting his charm and cute looks! How am I supposed to ignore that?

Finally, Choco told me his feelings and I returned them. Suddenly, Snapper tried to talk to me like old times and I'd talk to him like normal. But deep inside myself I knew it was never the same as before Alex.

Snapper soon picked up a fight with Choco. Choco was hurt which made me hurt too! We didn't want to fight with Snapper, we're all friends! Then Snapper starter getting angry with me too. That fight grew bigger and bigger over time and soon Choco couldn't take it. Since Choco was going back to his home country we decided to split.

That was the second time Snapper had hurt me. And both times I cried...
My heart broke to a million pieces after a thousand.

A year later, he asked for forgiveness, begged. Since we knew each other foe so long and he was part of my life, I accepted. We became friends again. But it was never the same again. I grew distant and he noticed. So I tried acting normal around him and he thought everything was back as it were.

But his presence disturbed me at all times. And when he wasn't even there I could feel myself getting angry. But time passed and I thought he'd changed to better. He didn't go through my phone, lie or pry into my privacy anymore. So I was slowly heeling.

This year, I finally thought I could act normal around him again. I was so happy. I was getting excited that things can go back to the way they were. I sent him a birthday card all the way up north, I secretly got his address; he moved because of family matters. I sent him stuff I baked.

One day he came down and I asked if we could go out. He said sure. I tried rounding up the others but apparently they had plans with him else where on the same day which I was only free. I couldn't go far where they were going so I canceled mine with his since it was too complicated.

On that day I found out from a friend that Snapper decided to change plans to comply with my original plan but I already made plans with my family. So when he asked me, I said I'm sorry but my family needs help. And I never choose friends over family.

He said alright.

The next time he came down, I was doing an advertisement for JARO's fair and to spend time with him since I couldn't go out much, I asked him if he could help. He said sure but he never came round. He never texted or called when I was waiting. So I called him and he said he was busy. I said I understand.

That day I texted him in a sulking manner and told him off that he should have let me know at least instead of making me wait. He didn't reply. That night, he said something horrible to me. I can't remember but I remember that one sentence made pain come out from my eyes, hands, heart, brain, every where.

I was completely upset I texted a whole lot of things. Not horrible things but the truth. I told him it actually took me a long time to be okay around you. I was finally going to be alright and this is what he does. Every time I try be okay, he always finds a way to hurt me.

I cried a lot that night. I tell my mum things about me since she already new about the previous time he hurt me. She said "It's not worth having a friend who is going to hurt you all the time".

I ignored texts of his apology and everything. One day he tagged me in a picture of stars. I couldn't take it. He can't always hurt me then apologise and then act like everything is fine! On that day onwards, I broke off all ties with him. Phone, internet and face-to-face.

Who knew English Literature helps you in many ways! And it's an amazing Subject!

Mr Cowan, whom is my teacher, gave me a lot of insight of the subject. He's great at English Lit, no doubt!

Truthfully, I'm lazy to write essays. Just to think of expanding my sentence or thought makes me bang my head on the wall, virtually. I've never been the type to be long-winded, except when I'm trying to get something out of my system.

But who knew, with just a few classes of Literature and you're amazed to notice things that you have never noticed before. Things in everyday life; such as "I am going to bed". That sentence, it's ordinary right? Well, in literature, it's called "iambic" because it's got a di-dum di-dum di-dum sound. Try read everything again and slowly and you'd notice the "iambic" device.

Haha. Have a lovely evening! Night!

How to overcome depression. Or in my case - try.

My little sister has a fever..
My parents and elder sister have gone out for the day; there were somethings to get.

I agreed to stay home to look after Alana. she's not allowed to play on the computer but she can watch tv, it's less exciting the doctor says. So we watched Princess Hours, she wanted that.

I love that series and yet at the same time I hate it because it reminds me of the truth about myself and my life which I've been trying so hard to keep out of my mind and just focus on the present. That's how i've been trying to live by, the present - not the past nor future.

Watching Princess Hours though helps me in a way, it makes me feel better and happy - but once I stop; I feel empty, miserable because I'm reminded again.

It seems, escapism does not help in any way.