I get that my mum thinks I shouldn't get a computer.

        But I got it already anyway. if she said she didnt want me to have one she should say so. If she cant talk to me then I cant talk to her. I dont even want to talk any more. I've already got this disease, the "anti-social" deseas

I want to study! I want to get good grades! But I'm fucking depressed!

        Yes, I used the eff word. And my parents would kill me that I used it. I do feel guilty but I already typed it. Never erase your mistakes because you wont learn from it if you do. That saying goes to life too.

         I want to go some place where I can have a small study group. Maybe that would help me. Help motivate me. I can do things on my own but is that wrong too?

Am I being selfish here? Being a bad daughter? Being a irresponsible?

       I want to study. I'm going to have to clear up under my table first I guess. I've done the top but not the bottom.

I'm depressed. Should I ignore it? Am I whining? Being spoilt? Unreasonable?

      People say God will help you and guide you. I don't know how He can help. I want to stick to my religion. But am I thinking differently that it's agaisnt my religion to think that way? Am I sinning? I love God, yes, and I dont even know why; like you love your mum or dad, sister(s) or brother(s), adoptive family, grandparents, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, who ever.

I know I'm not putting my all into my studies. But if she doesnt make limits or rules I cant help myself. I need your help! I need help..